(She'd gone without a nap and come bedtime was a MESS, wailing and trying to wriggle out of bed. So being a "bad mommy," I forced her back into bed.) My God, did it feel like she'd ripped the heart from my chest and trampled it underfoot. I admit it, tears sprung to my eyes. The Banker keeps telling me that "she's only 2, she was tired, get over it." But man, oh, man. I don't know if I'll survive the eventual teen-I-hate-you phase.
5 comments:
My dear Kat,
The words spoken by a small child translate very differently from the words spoken by an adult. "You're a bad Mommmy" means "I don't want to do what you are making me do". It does not mean "I have watched the interaction of many other small children with their mothers and your actions do not conform to the norms of effective motherhood". She didn't want to go to bed. She wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or insult you (she doesn't even know that you have feelings yet). She was trying to control the world around her. She knows she has strong desires and you were in the way of those being met in the way she wanted. Hang in there. Laughter is good medicine. Don;t take what she says as though she understood and meant it. She only has a couple of ways to try and change things to be the way she wants them. (For lots of kids it's yelling, screaming, crying, carrying on and, in general, being anti-social). As she gets older she'll learn more subtle ways of trying to manipulate her surroundings but at this point, she's pretty limited to ... "I don't like that" or "I don't like you". But they are the same thing to her. She doesn't know enough t know what a bad mommy is - because SHE'S NEVER SEEN ONE! She's watching you, learning from you, counting on you and admiring you all the time. You are the bulk of her world - she will lash out at you whenver she wants her world to change. We have a 13 year old daughter and I promise, for our daughter behavior at 13 does not reflect her behavior as a 2 year old.
From the cheap seats,
Mike
Mike--I can't tell you how much your comments helped me feel better and put things into perspective. In particular the words, "You are the bulk of her world - she will lash out at you whenver she wants her world to change." absolutely took me aback. You're right, (as an experienced dad, of course you are!), and I truly appreciate you sharing your wisdom. Thank you!
The eventual teen "I-hate-you" phase? So true, so true...I'm in it right now...so true...all I want to do is get away from them and prove life can be lived differently than the way they live it because it can!!!!!!
I'm so sorry to hear that--I am sure that your mother, my mother, any parent has a similar story to tell us about how we behaved at a similar age.
good...../ this child is so beautiful
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