Okay, Fuck my Crappy Attitude

I attended a "Creative Renewal" event today hosted by the really big, feel-good company I work for. A psychologist flew in from California to talk to us about "Enriching Our Lives." I've only been at the company for two months, so I probably don't need to be creatively renewed. Then again, it gets me out of two days of work and I get to visit the company farm, which encourages out-of-box thinking, so what the hell?

I'm not the perky type. I don't buy into a bunch of mumbo jumbo. I LIKE being snarky. But this gal had a lot of interesting things to say, most of which REALLY hit home for me. I wish I could somehow share what she had to say with all of you. I just don't know where to begin. It all boils down to the power of thought. I know, I know. We've all heard about this before. But think about it again.

We have a thought. That thought leads to a feeling. Our feeling leads to a behavior. And our behavior, or action, has a result. And that result can cause another thought, and around this circle we go again.

So what part of this cycle do we have any control over? We can't control our feelings--they come from the gut. And often our behavior, our reaction, is spur of the moment. And anyway, we're too far into the cycle at this point. So we try to control how we think. Your thoughts are like a paint brush, creating the way you see the world. And from there, the rest trickles down: your feelings, behaviors, and the end results.

The problem is, this is quite the challenge. I need to RETHINK the way I think. Instead of: "Stupid, bloody accountant fucked up. He fucked US!" I should have tried: "Okay, we owe some unexpected taxes. Let's take care of this and make sure it doesn't happen again." The first line of thought brought with it a wave of anger and self pity. I yelled. I cried. I called a kind man an asshole. The second line of thought would have been balanced and useful--and importantly, I wouldn't have been taking anything personally (a BIG, BIG, BIG no-no). Had I thought this way, I would have saved myself a lot of anguish. I wouldn't have lashed out at The Banker. I would have taken a bad situation and gotten control over it rather than letting it control me.

So now I must conciously work to think about thinking. I need to know that my thoughts form my reality. And I'd sure like a reality more prone to rainbows and sunshines than tirades and tears.