Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Where I feel like a schmuck

I've been back in my hometown for just a year now. In many ways, that's a long time, and in others, a flash in the pan.

It's plenty of time to remember how wonderful and aggravating family can be.
It's not enough time to complete all the plans you have for a house.
It's enough time to integrate yourself into a workplace, befriend your co-workers, and settle in comfortably.
It smacks of too short of a time to already put in your two-week's notice.

Which is exactly what I'm going to do on Monday. I dread quitting. My boss will be angry; she'll no doubt feel betrayed. It's a crappy time of year--we've got back-to-back deadlines sandwiched between the holidays. We're re-designing the magazine. We're backed up, slightly screwed, and hoping for the best. And I'm about to crap all over everything.

And coupled with guilt is fear. What if this new company blows? What if my co-workers suck? I've worked in such places before, where I'd sit behind the steering wheel wondering if getting in a minor car wreck was actually better than getting to the office. A fender bender or the leering, unsettling boss? A ticket or more sexual innuendo? A $1,000 car-repair bill or the bitchy fellow editor?

And then there's the biggest fear of all: What if I suck at this new gig? What if I can't pull it off? What if I fail? What the hell am I doing?!?

2 comments:

David said...

Quitting a job you like is no fun. I didn't have that problem at my last job. Leaving people you like also blows. I predict, however, that you will be fine. You will have to let me know how you like the new company, since The Wife insists it would be a great place for me to go.

Magazine Man said...

Wow, congrats. It does indeed suck to leave a place and people you enjoy, but it sucks worse to stay on and see everyone else go and watch the place become something different. Of course, it doesn't always happen that way, but telling yourself it does makes it easier to leave.

On to bigger things for you!