And on this day...

It's funny how birthdays change as you age. When you're younger they're heralded with parties, cake, balloons, toys, and the like. When you're older the celebrations become more muted, especially as you wearily eye those "big birthdays" no longer so far out there in the future. Making it one year older becomes more of a joke and less of an accomplishment.

Today has been nice though. I've been only called an old hag once--thank you Sister #1. Highlights include Neil Gaiman's new book, cookies and small gifts at work, warm e-mails sent my way, and a birthday dinner this evening.

But as I eye this calendar date, I'm struck by the transition floating in my periphery. The possible job offer from that really big company. The lingering questions of starting a family. The my-place-in-the-cosmos thing. The should-I-resign-myself-to-settling-here-or-should-I-really-push-to-move-to-the-country/abroad/away quandary. The when-are-you-going-to-publish-a-book question. The stress of The Banker's work and his notable lack of patience as it weighs heavily on his mind. Even the stupid decision of a new car.

And oddly enough, my mind is so weary I seem unable to make decisions, something that this Libra typically has no qualms about. Remember when big birthday decisions could be made at the shaking of a Magic 8 ball? Like, should I invite Emily or Kristen? Cookie cake or ice-cream cake? Sleepover or skating party?

I think it's that as a perfectionist, I dread any misstep that takes me off the path I'm supposed to be on. My goal was to live without regrets, to the best of my abilities. Does that mean making the right decisions all the time or rolling with the decisions I've made, be they right or wrong? It's tiring stuff, this. Perhaps that's why philosophy class left me so thoroughly exhausted.

But enough of that for now. There's family and friends to be enjoyed, much binging ahead, and gifts to rip open. I'll leave the heavy decision making for tomorrow...