Things I have learned thus far about blogging...

1. Advertisers who post comments to your blog suck.
2. Never post something about someone thinking they'll never in a million years read it. I feel totally sheepish that MM saw the post about having a million of his babies. The Banker would like to point out that I also made this offer to the guy who does the art for my front-of-book department...while in an editorial meeting. And I'm sure my in-laws would like to point out that I've made no such offer to their son.

Since The Banker and I are the last of our friends to have children, it's become great fun for family and friends to gently prod us on when we're going to join the parenthood league. And I'm beginning to feel like a prize heffer. People circle me, view the hips, and say, "Them there hips'll help her breed good." A slap on the ass and a nod and I'm sent on my way.

Hourglass figures aside, people eye me carefully, noting any behavior that screams knocked-up status. "She looks a little paunchy today. Think she's putting on weight?" "Did she just pass up a glass of cabernet? And she's attacking the goat cheese with zeal..." Geez people!

Part of this I've done to myself, I have to admit. I've freelanced for a parenting website and magazine for the past three years, so I know all sorts of things about birthing techniques, bonding with baby, designer cribs, etc. My father-in-law likens me to a priest: We both discuss topics with which we have no intimate knowledge.

But birthing in my husband's family is a sport. He has four brothers and sisters, and his mom came from a family of ten. Not a family meal goes by without a labor story being shared. Is this supposed to be encouraging? Or appetizing?!?

So for now, here's my request: Instead of making me squirm under your judging gaze my dear family and friends, just pass me the wine, watch me gulp it down with glee, and let me chew on this issue for say, another year or so.