Christmas for all

On Saturday we participated in Christmas in October. This charity organization adopts a low-income neighborhood and seeks to improve the housing conditions before the hard winter months. It's exhausting, dirty work, but from what I remember when I participated in my younger years, incredibly rewarding.

This year it was nice, though not filled with as many warm fuzzies as I would have hoped. The house we worked on was owned by an older woman and her husband and was in a mild state of disrepair. We replaced some broken windows, put in a new screen door, fresh screens for the porch, a new coat of white paint, and cleaned up the backyard as best we could (there was a debris-laden abandoned mini-van with missing windows and flat tires. There were plants growing out from underneath the trunk).

I felt like we were making an honest improvement. But The Banker heard the woman (drinking a beer in front of their big screen) complaining on the phone that she wished we'd hurry up and leave. Sigh. What are you going to do?

But it's not the only Christmas sentiment that permeated the weekend. We handed over the Honda to its new owner on Saturday morning, and that evening we drove home the new (used) Nissan 350Z. It's very pretty, VERY zippy, and just asking for multiple speeding tickets. The Banker is like a boy in the candy store. And I have to admit, I love it, too. The seat cradles my back just perfectly, the car roars to life and sails down the street, and...I hate to say it, but the boys notice. I can only compare it to when I visit the comic book store. Evidently, gals don't visit the store very often...

But The Banker also loves the new car. Maybe a bit too much for someone who'd agreed to drive the Jeep. Another drawback? This baby is gonna suck in the Midwest winters. So to protect myself against both the cruel winters and the cruel egos of men, I drew up the following contract:

October 7, 2005

I ,The Banker, solemnly swear that when the weather is inclement, as deemed by my wife, I shall not attempt to drive the sports car. I shall not complain, moan, groan, or otherwise be aggravating to said wife when she demands that we carpool. Failure to uphold this contract will result in the following possible reprimands:
• Moving of sleeping quarters to the guestroom
• Unlimited amount of time spent hearing wife lecture
• Loss of permission to drive the sports car
• One weekend’s loss of either golfing or football privileges.

Additional attempts or aggravations, as outlined here above, risk even greater reprimands. I understand, approve, and hold myself responsible to these terms.

And wouldn't you know it? The Banker was so intoxicated by the new car, he was crazy enough to sign it!! Do you smell that? It's the smell of semi-new leather and power!!